Work + Mums = Adversaries?
Those two words seem like harmless buddies on white paper. However, they are a source of great controversy, debates, and online wars. Ideally, they shouldn’t. But thanks to a myriad of reasons, including cultural practices, workplace dynamics, and probably religion, they are adversarial terms sometimes. I grew up in a village, so the basic rules of the city did not apply. When I was six or less, both of my parents engaged in what is best described as peasant farming. A typical schedule would look like mum waking up at seven, prepping breakfast for everyone, and by eight, the whole family would be headed to the Shamba. Babies upholstered on the shoulders, sacks, hoes, and a flask full of sugarless Uji. A typical mum like my mother would work while minding the baby. Of course, the father would once in a while hold the baby, feed them or carry them, but that is as far as it went. So the old logic that pre-industrial times engaged both parents doesn’t quite fit in my observations about parenting. Still, there wasn’t much controversy between working and being a mother.
Enter modern workplaces. When I was growing up (I am done growing up now, OK?), it never occurred that working and being a parent were things I would have to weigh in. As far as I could tell, society, beginning with my immediate family and spreading as far as my school teachers, hoped that every other girl and I would work hard in school, avoid boys like the plague, and go to college. The next natural step in the 10 Steps of Successful Life was getting married and getting kids. I am a stickler for rules. I didn’t hear many conversations about what to do with your job as a mother. Now that I am grown up, I realize this is an important subject, one often hushed by dire economic situations on the one hand and cultural expectations.
I have also noticed that the work-balance issue is a favorite question to ask prominent figures. Interviewers on TV and in magazines go like this:
Interviewer: You are a successful actress and musician. How do you balance your career and professional life?
I have heard this question too many times. It has become a cliché question. Interestingly, I am yet to hear a successful male professional being asked about work-fatherhood balance. It is almost as if we are subtly saying that work-life balance is more critical for women. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I think men, too, see the danger with work that creeps into their family time. I recently learned that mother-child bonding is critical in the first three years. However, I don’t take this to mean that infants do not need their fathers. Sometimes we expect too much from the father as a provider and too little as a parent. That or the pressure to provide becomes too much that they are unavailable as a parent. Consequently, mothers have to compensate for the extra time fathers are unavailable.
However, I believe parenthood should take preeminence, especially when kids are the youngest. Of course, it doesn’t mean parents have to abandon their jobs. But thinking about work-life balance without delineating parenthood in terms of gender can help us brainstorm interventions that can enable mothers to contribute positively in the marketplace and give fathers more time to spend with infants.